yesnothankyou

I sat on that stoop and I was furious with you but also just sort of sad. I don't think I ever told you about that actually but it doesn't matter anyway, I forgot about it for you. Sometimes it was complicated like that. I just didn't like looking at those stars without you, alright? So fine, let's name it. Marbled and mythic. quartering, fractioned. Fine. It mattered, it all always mattered. It's your turn now. Sometimes the slang was just a cipher. aren't you an alcove? a memory distorted for me, you comply and it's beautiful. aren't I an architect? Careful now. Will you make your maker proud? I choked on my luck, but that's old news. I'm not scared anymore. Your hands held it like they were at some hallowed altar. You asked what that place was and I said it doesn't matter, it doesn't exist anymore. you said that was stupid. you said get a little ugly. you said show your heart. Okay. but it works both ways.

When I found out what you were really asking me for, I laughed. what else can you do, really? He told me what you said and he thought I'd be mad but I wasn't. I think I smiled a little. what the fuck, right. We shared that joint in your brother’s kitchen together and then I made a choice. more half stories for half friends. and god, she was so sad sometimes, wasn't she? so pretty, so angry. brand new and also not, an old kind of belonging I kept forgetting about. She unbraided her hair there. barefoot on wood floors, morning pours in like a pool of light. I would have done anything she wanted me to, probably. I kept talking about the pretty parts because they broke into me, little houses, I wanted to be inhabited by it. incoherent, untorn. I felt flexed out of myself. The sun rose in ribbons again, that ghost dropped dead in the reeds. I chain smoked on the floor of that porcelain bathroom after and watched you wipe the blood from your lip with just the tip of your thumb. why did I think it was better that way? What about the rest? The rest of it had consequences too. I just thought it was all too important. You said I was the only person who knew the way, but that wasn't true, not even then. I guess you were right, I have some regrets. from your passenger seat I watched the whole town sigh around us. the wind changes. the sun sets the same. I can manipulate this too if you let me. you'll like it. want to look?